When it comes to dealing with problems or issues with others, we are likely to follow one or more of these solutions that are myths of communication–solutions that are touted as solutions but can actually cause horrible problems instead.

Myth #1: Time heals all wounds. The truth is time usually deepens wounds. If time really healed all wounds, people would not blame their behavior on their childhood and past events as they often do. In fact, time can deceive us into thinking that problems with others have been resolved, but all it usually takes is to see them again or something to remind us of the past unresolved issues and we will become upset all over again. In essence our unresolved past is lying around waiting to strike us in the present.

What to do? Don’t rationalize, Well, they are not saying or bringing it up. So I will just let it go. Just because they are not bringing it up doesn’t mean they let it go. They may feel awkward or embarrassed or may not know how to bring it up so they have decided to bury it. The key is to proactively bring up issues and resolve them.

Myth #2: Don’t Rock the Boat. The truth is if you don’t rock the boat, the boat will probably sink. Faced with an issue or problem that is bothering us, many people rationalize, I am not going to say anything. It’s not that big a deal. I don’t want to rock the boat. The problem with this way of thinking is if we don’t say anything, the issue is unlikely to be resolved. Then what was once a small issue may fester and grow into a big problem. What to do? As stated above, proactively bring up issues as they happen.

Myth #3: Be Diplomatic. The truth is if we are too diplomatic, the person may not get the point and nothing may get resolved. Have you ever had someone be upset with you claiming that they told you about something and you did not do anything about it? Upon retrospect you realize that they might have brought it up but the person was so diplomatic, the person beat-around-the-bush and you missed the point. What to do? When we have an issue, yes-bringing things up in an understanding way is important, just make sure the issue and what you want done is clear.

Myth #4: Sandwich what you want to really say between two compliments. The truth is the sandwich method is so transparent that people immediately identify the strategy and feel manipulated. The sandwich method is when you place what you really want to say between two positive compliments. I appreciate how hard you work, but blah, blah, blah. and thank you for working with me on this. Such communication tricks can permanently damage relationships.

What to do? Tell people the truth. People are smart and we are usually lousy actors. People see through us anyway, so be honest and clear. If you have issues talk about them, get right to the point. When you have something nice to say, bring it up in separate conversation or at least in a different part of the conversation not connected to a problem or something we really want done.

Myth #5: More communication leads to resolution. The truth is just more communication can lead to wasting time and possibly more misunderstandings. Sometimes people believe and operate as if people talk about more things, that clarity will somehow magically emerge from the sheer volume of information and issues will get handled. But how often have you been in a meeting where people talked about things and nothing got resolved.

Consider this. If the solution were simply increased amounts of communication, wouldn’t you expect, for example that e-mail, cell phones, video conferencing to have significantly reduced communication problems? In spite of all of these extra tools now available, it seems there are more misunderstandings, mistakes and conflicts than ever before. And people still complain that they don’t receive the feedback they need to do their jobs properly.

In fact, communication technologies can also help people spread misinformation with blazing speed, sometimes with devastating results. Communication technology is not inherently bad. The way people use it is often ineffective. Increasing the amount of communication through multiple channels is not the answer in and of itself.

What to do? Instead of just increasing the amount of communication, make sure that people know how to effectively use the different ways to communicate. If learned, these methods can make the critical difference in successfully resolving issues as they arise.

Take Action

Pass this tip on to people you care about, your co-workers, your boss, your employees, family and friends. Use it as a basis to talk to the people around your office, in your organization and your personal life. Have an upfront conversation about the myths of communication and what everyone is willing to do differently. This way everyone will benefit from the knowledge and wisdom we all have to contribute.

If you need help and/or guidance call us, we can help.

Together we can make the difference!

Copyright, 2007 Steven Gaffney Company, All Rights Reserved. To distribute or replicate this article in any way please contact the Steven Gaffney Company at 703-241-7796 or via email at Christina@StevenGaffney.com

Steven Gaffney, president of the Steven Gaffney Company, is a leading expert on honest, interpersonal communication, influence and leadership. Thousands of people credit, Stevenâ??s speeches, seminars, TV, and radio appearances as well as his books and products with making immediate and lasting change in both their organizations as well as their personal lives. For more details http://stevengaffney.com/

Finishing out the much anticipated sale of the year might become nothing but a bad dream if you do not adopt the proper persuasion skills.

When you do business you should always ensure that you are the one doing the persuading and stay on top of things, otherwise whether you realize it or not they have done the very same thing to you. You are either the persuader or the persuaded, at all times during business.

Stay motivated at all times; if you do not want it bad enough, you will not be able to adopt any salesmanship skills or persuasion skills. Without being enthusiastic about something, you can not do well.

Set a goal and figure out what it is that keeps you going. Do you dream of your own castle in the air, a house of your own, perhaps a shiny new vehicle. Do you want people to know who you are, and be aware of what you have to offer… Acting successful and being successful go hand in hand.

Find out what it is that gets other people in your circle of business going. People want something at all times, and being a master of persuasion allows you to play upon what they want. For instance, people are always in need of money, status, a stable home. If it is not for the desire of having something more, it is for the desire to not lose anymore than they already have, and it is in knowing the difference between the two that being a talented persuader can kick in. Find out what it is about the other person hat drives them.

What you want to do is find out what your business partner values the greatest. Think of things you can ask them and conversation that can stimulate them to reveal something about themselves or their interests that will be of use to you. Find an inner motive; most everybody has one, as harmless as it may be.

Finding out what a person values the greatest can be somewhat of an indication as to what they will need the most in the future, and you must determine and take advantage of what they want in the next five to ten years and on as well as what they presently need.

When having business meetings, be clear and succinct, and to the point at all times. Make what you want and need out of the business transaction evident from the beginning, and take advantage of every indication of a hint towards a sale that you can detect. Stay in control.

If you truly want to be able to persuade others to go with your product, you must truly believe in what you are selling. This may mean that you should try it yourself and see what its benefits are; you yourself are the strongest testimonial for your customers… if you do not use the product, why should they?

Not everyone is going to buy what you have to offer, whether it is a product or a pitch for one. You can maintain effective sales communication and become a great persuader by working on your communication skills. Speak slowly and clearly, and use words that your audience can understand. Be an active listener and learn to read body language, as that is a great indicator of how hard you should even pitch your product.

Also, understand that your pitch and your talent for persuasion will get better over time; when you are just starting out you probably will not be as good at persuasion as you will be in a few years, but keeping the lines of communication clear and open are a great start.

Leon Edward helps people improve in Goal Setting, Success, Leadership, Motivation, Self-Improvement, Happiness, Memory Improvement, Stress Reduction and more. Visit his Success-Leadership Library, Articles and blog at
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I was very eager for new business when I first started out to the point of accepting every Dick and Jane that came my way into my client portfolio. I figured the only way I would be successful was to keep busy so I poured myself into turning every new prospect into a new retaining client. No sooner had I done this than realized I was totally in over my head. A couple clients were great but 75% of them were emotionally draining me and costing me more in psychiatric bills of my own to deal with them than the price they were paying me. Just kidding but you get my drift!

Properly screening your clients first before investing your time and talent into them will pay off for your business (and emotional well-being) in the end. If your gut says no to a prospective client for reasons which may be unknown to you at the time, go with your gut! Trust that inner voice.

Client screening questions you should consider:

1. Is this the type of project you enjoy doing? If they want 25 hours of database entry and you detest that type of work, do you really want to put yourself through that?

2. Does this person seem easy to get along with? How did they act on the phone? Were they pleasant or depressive? Did they interrupt you or did they listen to you? Did they appear dictative or were they curious and ask you lots of questions? Look for these types of things and others during your intial meeting since this will help you decide what type of client they may be.

3. Are the services they require worth the hourly rate you are giving them? ie) If you offer administrative retainer rates at $30 per hour but they want some website maintenance services thrown in at this rate, do you really want to go there knowing that most charge double that for the same services?

4. Do you really have enough time this month for this new client? Check your schedule twice to make sure there is room since there is nothing worse than overbooking your month. Don’t forget that hockey tournament your son has at the end of the month which means planning your personal things into your schedule as well since they will affect your business schedule.

By being clear to yourself on what type of clients you want you will attract that type of client. Plus you will do your best work if you are happy with what you are doing and who you are working for. People of like minds tend to stick together and before you know it, your current clients will refer other prospects to you of like-mind giving you a full client base of people and services you love working for!

Tawnya Sutherland, Founder of http://www.VAnetworking.com the largest online portal for everything to do with virtual assistance dedicated to helping small business owners and entrepreneurs. A Certified Internet Marketing Specialist helping turn her clients clicks into cash. http://www.mediamage.com